Why Do I Get So Mad?

Anger is a stange thing -- sometimes exhilarating (when we feel justified) but so often horribly embarrassing. I am confronted by my own anger more often that I would like to admit on public cyberspace. As John 3:20 says, "All those who do evil hate the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed." (TNIV) So, perhaps raising the anger issue here is part of my personal journey of living more "in the light."

The interesting thing about anger is how it is so often not about the person I direct it to. My anger, so much of it, should be directed at myself. Now, I'm not a psychologist (nor even a good counselor), but I imagine that this has a lot to do with self-preservation. Yet it is ironic that an "unhealthy" person would take their anger out on themselves (eg. self-mutilation) but a "healthier" person takes it out on others. !?! So, instead of getting mad at myself -- for my lack of inertia, poor choices, wasted opportunities -- I lash out at my kids, or my wife, or my boss (behind closed doors, of course...self-preservation again).

I suppose the healing needed is available in the most traditional and "simple" of ways: I need to talk to the Lord more about what makes me angry. I need to feel the freedom in my prayer-life to open up to the Lord about the ways that I have failed instead of letting those feelings fester into anger. And in that safe place, I need to hear the comforting, challenging, and redemptive words of my Saviour: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30, TNIV)