Thursday, October 30, 2008

Burying My Ashes

Tonight I watched 72 people attend a new program we started at our parish. And tonight as I "wound down" watching Grey's Anatomy (season 4 on DVD, since we don't have cable and I'm therefore a season behind) I was reminded of how much we can be haunted by our pasts unless we put those ashes to rest. There are days (as I hope any clergyman would admit) when I have wondered what I'm doing as a priest. Each of us in holy orders had a life before those orders (and those who didn't, well, let's pray for them!). And at times those "past lives" can come back and haunt us, asking:

  • "How successful might you have been if you'd carried on in theatre?"
  • "Why did you choose this particular brand of Christian denomination when you came from several others that at times look much more dazzling?"
  • "Vancouver Island, and that life you knew, is a long way away, isn't it?"
This morning during matins I felt renewed and refreshed and had a sense of anticipation and excitement for the priestly life I am living. And then tonight 72 people showed up for our new program. This his huge! I had significant conversations with a handful of young people, I met new people, and I saw the looks of joy on the faces of this parish.

Every once in a while the ashes of my past life start haunting me. So every once in a while I have to go and get the spade and put them to rest again.

1 comments:

ed said...

Hey Paul.

well put. I have gone through a lot of the past questions about what could have been. I was even sitting beside a person who went to a church that for a brief moment I would have like to go to. Found out it wasn't for me. God has a much better idea of what is going on than I do.

Anyways. I was thinking about a conversation we had around a conference. check out these sites.

www.rethinkgroup.org
www.theorangeconference.org